Becoming Attracted to What is Healthy for Us [Day 9]

By Christian St. Jacques

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3 NIV)

It takes deliberate time and energy to understand what patterns in both our deeds and relationships are healthy (and unhealthy) for us.

As I grew up as a child, there were many unhealthy patterns born out of family dysfunction that I experienced and rationalized as normal. They were often false experiences of love. When I was exposed to functional, familial, or relational dynamics, I was often uncomfortable and would sometimes resent the experience, projecting it upon others. Even after I accepted Christ, it took the patience of spiritual mentors, healing counselors, and my wife to break through my resistance—to perceive and receive what healthy, secure love could look and feel like.

It's not uncommon for many of us to get drawn back into past wounds or sufferings, allowing that to be a fixed cornerstone of our identity. Sometimes we might subconsciously seek the familiarity of past dysfunctions to try to heal without having the tools or self-awareness (let alone healthy partnerships) to actually move through the healing work. Instead, we are found in painful dynamics that result in unpleasant outcomes for both ourselves and others. This reinforces false evidence that we aren't worthy of respect or love, or deserving to be treated well and with dignity.

Christ, our real cornerstone, came to heal the wounds of the brokenhearted. Without a doubt, we must grow in health and healing by the nature of our relationship to Christ, knowing that our friends, spouses, partners, mentors, teachers, and so on also adequately reflect that inward experience. That is not to say we expect human relationships to be perfect models of Jesus; as imperfect vessels themselves, they are operating under the same need for grace, healing, and forgiveness as we are. What is essential is that our relationship with God and ourselves imbues a growing ability to identify and commit to what healthy love looks like. Also, we need to know to reject and walk away from false, unhealthy love patterns and relationships.

Consider this: Does my experience of God's love and healing reflect in healthy patterns of relationship to myself and others? Do I have a clear understanding of both emotional and spiritual health? Am I attracted to healthy models of love and connection? Am I confident in what that looks like and feels like?

Moving forward today, say this to yourself: “I am deserving of healthy love. I am receiving, not earning, God's love for me. I am committed to pursuing healthy, honorable relationships that propel us forward in our purpose and sense of belonging.”

Prayer

Father God, You are the very essence of healthy, safe, secure love and attachment. I pray that You would help me to receive and give love in a way that is honoring to both myself and others. I pray that You would give me the eyes to see what emotionally healthy love should look like and feel like. Grant me the grace and awareness to open up areas of my heart that need more profound healing to see what that love is and to expect it. Dear Jesus, my relationship with You is the embodiment of my self-worth. Help me live out that self-worth as a measure of service to myself and others. In Jesus’ name, amen.