Consistent through Chaos and Stagnation [Day 20]
By Megan Knott
“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10 ESV)
I have taken a lot of walks in the past few weeks. They break up my uneventful days and give me a chance to remember there is still a world beyond my apartment and computer screen. The other day, while walking along a stream, my friend shifted to dodge a muddy puddle of water on our path. He remarked that he did not understand why or how it had formed in that specific spot. It was several yards away from the stream, and the sunny weather had dried most of the trail. We had chosen to walk along this stream. We enjoyed the consistent sound of the flowing water. We knew the direction we were going because of it. It was running down the hill, leading us to the ocean. But we were momentarily very confused, inconvenienced, and thrown off of our intended steady pace by this stagnant pool of water.
I think we find a lot of comfort in our own busyness, our streams of activity. Our checklists are our security blankets. As long as we have something to add to them, we have a tangible reminder of our purpose. We have direction and work each day toward our goals, flowing along with our plans and checklist.
I feel the most purpose and direction when I am doing, helping people, and actively accomplishing something, as well as when I can recognize personal growth and progress. Emotions of guilt, anxiety, fear, loneliness, and shame seem to come much more freely when I am resting or still. Lately, the balance between activity and stillness feels very off, so those negative emotions have come with a lot of force most days. My schedule has drastically changed; most tangible forms of community have felt stripped away. My friends have had to return to difficult living situations, lost jobs, and lost opportunities for counseling and treatment programs. Our personal progress and accomplishments have been put on hold. We are stuck, waiting to get back to the normal flow of things, back to our familiar stream.
During all of this, I feel so much comfort in God’s consistency. In this time when everything in our control feels stagnant and everything out of our control feels chaotic, God is the same. Every day that I wake up trying to work to feel fulfillment or strive to get to the place of believing I am worthy of His attention, and every night when I lay down feeling dejected because I didn’t “make it,” He is there and He is the same. His love for us is the same. Our worth in His eyes is the same. He wants every hour of our boring, lonely, unproductive isolated days; He wants to fill them with peace. If all we accomplished today was recognizing a way that God loves us, or pausing and appreciating the peace He gives, or meditating on the extravagance of His grace, He would be proud of our day. Right now, in this period of unknown and stagnation, when it feels like we have been cut off and are stuck in this pool of still and murky water, He offers love and peace.
Our ocean or end goal might be different, our streams and checklists of activity are individually unique, and this puddle we are all currently stuck in will affect us all in different ways. But our God who made all the streams and seas is the same. He is so proud of the work we do, but His love is not dependent on it. His love for you is perfect and complete every day. It doesn’t vary with seasons, storms, or pandemics. It was before, is during, and will be after. He is consistent in the unpredictable. He offers us the same love whether or not we scramble to earn it.
During this past month, I have found myself constantly trying to find a positive outlook or an angle where I can say, “This time of isolation or quarantine is just what I needed to learn ____, or have more time to work on ____, or overcome my issue with ____.” And while I probably will look back and in hindsight find a hundred ways to fill those blanks, I don’t think that is the point. I think God cares about our present, too, and has peace and love for us now. We need to spend this time resting in the consistency of God’s love and peace, and stop working to prove our worthiness of it.
Prayer
Lord, thank You that Your love is not dependent on our works, especially in this period of time when we are physically limited in doing much of that work. Thank You that You are consistent in this time of stagnant waiting with all its unknowns. I pray that You use this time to give us new insight on what purpose means to You, and that You would broaden our perspectives to see that we will not be in this place for long, that You are so much bigger than this puddle. Help us to experience Your steadfast love right now and in the next few weeks. Help us accept Your peace and love even when we cannot offer back our works and accomplishments. We are ready to be present with You.
